I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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