btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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