It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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