I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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