May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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