yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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