he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
