So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
