glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
