Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
