he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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