During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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