Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
