i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
