Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
These tits shall not be calmed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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