I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize