is this the sara with the beer cane?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
