i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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