i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's never too late to be topless.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
