I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
