Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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