There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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