I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
