have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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