he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
