Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
