Whod you bang
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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