my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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