oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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