they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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