We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
