Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
