I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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