so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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