i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
