..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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