first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
