He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
