he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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