so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
