They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
