she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
