i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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