Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
