Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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