dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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