ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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