Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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