This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The feeling are messing with the penis
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
