i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
