Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
