I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
