Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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