I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
