i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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