5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
