when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
