trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
