Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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