Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
