I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
