no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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